God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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