She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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