apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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