If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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