"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
