I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
