cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
