whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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