it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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