I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
