Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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