my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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