So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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