I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
