masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
