I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
