don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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