we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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