I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize