the condom got lost in my hair
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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