I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize