I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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