i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
