i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
