Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
