I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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