My liver just broke up with me...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
