I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
