Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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