She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize