the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
