My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
