Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
