we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
