dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
