You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
one might say we're banned from that church
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
