My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
