U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
