my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
