put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
