every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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