i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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