So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
