I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
