Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
