I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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