I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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