3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i dont even know how to be here
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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