Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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