I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize