Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
