cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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