i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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