The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My vagina just recognized that song.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
