Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
