You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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