i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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