have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
