Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
