There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
