There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
