I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
