At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
