Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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