Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I looked at my own cervix.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
