Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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